1、我只為人民幣服務，謝謝。

I just for the service, thank you.

2、我喜歡的人，都在硬盤里。

I like of the person, all in the hard disk.

3、人又不聰明，還學人家禿頂！

People don't clever, also learn bald!

4、走自己的路，讓別人打車去吧！

Walk yourself's road, let others take a taxi.

5、姐從來不抄襲，但沒說不復制。

Elder sister never copied, but didn't say don't copy.

6、傻與不傻，要看你會不會裝傻。

Stupid and not dumb, should see you will be.

7、從天堂到地獄，哥只是路過人間。

From heaven to hell, elder brother just passing by.

8、將薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。

Think about it than will pay salary, calculate, don't want to live.

9、路漫漫其修遠兮，不如我們去打的。

I see road, why don't we go to take a taxi.

10、眾里尋他千百度，沒病你就走兩步。

He found thousands of baidu, you take two steps have no disease.

11、種草不讓人去躺，不如改種仙人掌！

Grass don't let a person to lie, it is better to switch to a cactus!

12、潑出去的水，老子連盆子都不要了。

Pour out the water, Lao tze even basin all don't.

13、如果這都不算愛，那我寧愿賣白菜。

If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.

14、窮耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿瑪尼。

Poor Nike, adi rich, rogue armani.

15、晚上想想千條路，早上起來走原路。

Night think about one thousand road, go up in the morning.

16、天上不會掉餡餅，因為我們不相信。

Heaven will fall pie, because we don't believe it.

17、男人的實力，就是你兜里的人民幣。

The strength of a man, is your pocket renminbi.

18、人家有的是背景，而我有的只是背影。

The others have their background, while the back there is only me.

19、老子不打你，你就不知道我文武雙全。

Lao tze not hit you, you don't know my coursework in both.

20、自從得了精神病，我的精神就好多了！

Since the lunatic, my spirits revived.

21、千萬別混日子，當心日子把你給混了。

Don't dawdle, be careful days give you mixed up.

22、不想叛師的徒弟，都是不成才的徒弟。

Don't want to be rebellious pision apPntice, apPntice is not to become a useful person.

23、燒香的不一定是和尚，還可能是熊貓！

Burn incense and may not necessarily be a monk, but also may be a panda!

24、您復雜的五官，掩飾不了您樸素的智商。

You complex facial features, not hide the simple IQ. You

25、人人都說我丑，其實我只是美得不明顯。

Everyone said I ugly, in fact, I'm just beauty is not obvious.

26、沒有女人的日子里，我以調戲男人為樂。

No woman, I to flirt man for fun.

27、照相是要搶時機的，刻意的永遠不會好。

Photography is to take the timing, deliberately never good.

28、拍腦袋決策，拍胸脯保證，拍走人。

Head decision-making, clap breast, suckers.

29、再丑的人也能結婚、再美的人也有單身。

Ugly man can marry again, again beautiful people also have a single.

30、有一種愛叫放手，手放開后，請你快走。

There is a love called to let go, let go, you go quickly.

31、別惹我，否則我會讓你死得很有節(jié)奏感。

Don't mess with me, otherwise I'll let you die very have rhythm.

32、早上剛一起床，就有一股睡午覺的沖動。

As soon as the morning wake up, there is a take a nap.

33、每次臨時抱佛腳的時候，佛總是給我一腳。

Every time to cram, always give me a foot.

34、您別看我長得像沒頭腦，其實我是不高興。

You don't see I look like don't mind, actually I'm not happy.

35、人生就像衛(wèi)生紙，沒事的時候，盡量少扯！

Life is like toilet paper, nothing, as far as possible pull!

36、瞧你這長相，不用化妝就能去演片了。

See you this appearance, you don't have to makeup for horror films.

37、如果回帖是一種美德，那我早就成為圣人了。

If the reply is a virtue, then I would have become a saint.

38、愛情就像個響屁，高調的開始，低調的結束。

Love is like a fart, the beginning of the high-profile, low-key.

39、抽，是一種生活藝術；找抽，是一種生活態(tài)度。

Smoking, it is a kind of living art; Looking for smoke, is a kind of attitude to life.

40、你還是讓我跪搓板吧，跪電暖氣是在受不了啊。

You still let me kneel washboard, kneeling electric heater is in can't stand it.

41、把你家的地址說出來，我要把它改成公共廁所。

Speak out your home address, I want to change it to a public toilet.

42、你就是我心中的那首忐忑，總是讓我驚心動魄。

You are in my heart the first disturbing, always let me Ptty imPssive.

43、失敗是成功她后媽，看見孩子老失敗也不幫她！

Failure is the success of her stepmother, saw the child old failure is not to help her!

44、吃什么魷魚絲、墨魚絲的，給我上點美人魚絲。

What to eat squid, cuttlefish silk, give me some mermaid silk.

45、說了晚安去睡的人、往往半小時以后還在得瑟。

Say good night to go to bed, often half an hour later was still show off in an ostentatious manner.

46、就你這個樣子，這個年齡，已經(jīng)跌破發(fā)行價了。

Would you like this, the age, has been below the issue price.

47、我是你的風箏，線在你手上，可陪伴我的只有風。

I am your kite, line in your hand, can accompany me only wind.

48、如果我死了，我的第一句話是：終于不用怕鬼了。

If I die, I was the first thing: finally need not afraid of ghosts.

49、別打開禮物的緞帶，最初充滿期待，最后都腐敗。

Don't open the gifts of ribbons, initial expectations, corruption in the end.

50、黑夜給了我一雙黑色的眼睛，可我卻用它來翻白眼。

The night gave me black eyes, but I use it to.

51、人家減肥減腰減，為什么你非要從腦細胞開始。

The somebody else of waist and buttock reduction to reduce weight, why you have to start from the brain cells.

52、睡眠是一門藝術，誰也無法阻擋我追求藝術的腳步！

Sleep is an art, no one can stop my pursuit of artistic footsteps!

53、你太矮了！借你望遠鏡吧，再看清楚點，我不帥嗎？

You are too short! Borrow your telescope, see clear point again, I'm not handsome?

54、我要做個下載軟件，名字叫掩耳。因為迅雷不及掩耳。

I want to be a download software, called their ears. Because they go their ears.

55、人和豬的區(qū)別就是：豬一直是豬，而人有時卻不是人！

And the pig difference is that: the pig is always pigs, and sometimes but not people!

56、上帝說要有光，我說我反對，于是，世界上有了黑暗。

God said, let there be light, I said I'm against, so there are the darkness in the world.

57、竟然有人我涂了藍眼影，那簡直是在侮辱我得黑眼圈！

Someone I painted the blue eye shadow, that are an insult to my black rim of the eye!

58、白加黑：白天踩一人，不瞌睡；晚上再踩一人，睡得香。

White and black: during the day on a person, not sleepy; Night on another person, sleep soundly.

59、當初我看上你，因為我腦子進水了，現(xiàn)在我腦子抖干了。

At the beginning I have a crush on you, because I have been thinking, shaking my head now dried up.

60、喝白酒一斤，我絕對沒感覺，因為喝半斤就已經(jīng)喝死了。

Drink white wine a catty, I absolutely no feeling, because have to drink half a catty died.

61、我特別困的時候，道德標準也沒有醒，老師們要小心了。

I am very sleepy, no moral standards, teachers need to be careful.

62、雷鋒做了好事不留名，但是每一件事情都記到日記里面。

Lei feng to do good is not named, but every thing into the diary.

63、我心眼兒有些小，但是不缺；我脾氣很好，但不是沒有！

I will be a little, but I don't lack; My temper is very good, but not without!

64、沒用的東西，再便宜也不買；不愛的人，再寂寞也不依賴。

Cheap if not to buy useless things,; Don't love the people, again lonely also don't rely on.

65、先別鄙視我，給你個號碼牌，先排隊，到你的時候再鄙視。

Don't despise me, give you a number, first in line, to you again.

66、別再逼我，再逼，我就在地上劃個圈圈咒詛你被丑女強吻！

Don't push me, then, I will draw a circle in the ground curse you be ugly strong lips!!!

67、我說這位壯士，你在我傷口上撒完鹽，就別再嘗嘗咸淡了吧。

I say that the strong man, you are in my wound top sa salt, don't try recorded.

68、哪里跌倒，哪里爬起。老是在那里跌倒，我懷疑那里有個坑！

Where fall, climb up. Fall is always there, and I doubt there is a hole!

69、扔硬幣，正面就去上網(wǎng)，反面就是睡覺，立起來就去寫作業(yè)。

Throw a coin, positive is to get to the Internet, the other is sleep, stand up and go to write my homework.

70、歲月不饒人，首先饒不了女人；機會不等人，首先等不了男人。

Time and tide wait for no man, the first rao not woman; Opportunity and tide wait for no man, first of all, wait for no man.

71、作為一個吃貨，吃東西并不代表我餓了，只是因為嘴巴寂寞了。

As a version, eating doesn't mean I'm hungry, just because the mouth to be lonely.